The Four Elements Of Success
Rodale Press


 Have things changed for women in the workplace since Gloria Steinem and Ms. Magazine burst on the scene almost three decades ago? Without a doubt. Have they changed enough? Not at all.

 Women in general still earn less than men (as much as 50 percent less in some fields), aren't represented nearly enough in the highest levels of business and government, and still bear most of the brunt of balancing work and family.

 “There still remains much work to be done in making sure that women have the same opportunities and advantages that men enjoy in the working world,” says Paula Ann Hughes, Ph.D., professor of management at the University of Dallas Graduate School of Management..

 During the last decade of the 20th century, for example, 95 to 97 percent of senior managers—vice presidents and above—were men. According to numerous surveys conducted in the past 10 years, today's workforce is "gender and race segregated," even as women and minorities are making up ever larger proportions of that workforce. A significant proportion of these workers are frustratingly locked into low wage, low prestige, and dead-end jobs. And despite identical educational qualifications, ambition, and dedication to their career, surveys find that men still progress up the corporate ladder further and faster than women.

 This "glass ceiling" may exist, but you don’t have to clean it. While it does mean that you're likely to face a number of challenges and frustrations along the way, it doesn't mean that you can't get where you want to go. Let the four elements of success—self-esteem, motivation, knowledge, and timing—be your guide.

 Self-Esteem: To Know You Is To Love You

 Self-esteem, as we've seen in earlier chapters, sets the stage for all you do in life. It gives you courage—to take on leadership roles, move to the next step, act on your convictions.

 But how do you get to the point where you have enough self-esteem to help you achieve your professional goals? First, says Eileen Dowse, a human relations specialist in Research Triangle Park, North Carolina, and author of The Naked Manager: How To Build Open Relationships At Work, create a list of the roles you perform throughout your personal life. Are you a daughter, a wife, a mother, a friend, a gardener, a cook, an entertainer, a baby-sitter, a teacher?

 The list you create will likely be long and insightful, for most women don't realize how many tasks they perform and how many different roles they play.

 Instead, we regularly take our abilities for granted and often don't recognize and honor our capacity to accomplish so many tasks. "It is only when you appreciate and realize the depth of your talent that you can have the confidence to continue and strive for greater heights" says Dowse.

 Developing a strong sense of self is not a one-time accomplishment. Keeping that hard-earned self-esteem can take some doing, especially in the face of the many challenges women confront in the workplace. To keep from getting derailed:

 Remember past successes. Just as the list of roles you play in your life may surprise you, so too may the list of achievements you've already accomplished. If you have a difficult time listing your own strengths and successes, find a good friend to help you. When you see that you have a pattern of success, you will be more likely to trust in yourself, maintaining your self-esteem.

 Stop comparing yourself to others.: "Comparison kills," says Sharon Keys Seal, a certified business coach in Baltimore, Maryland. It's naïve to say we're not competitive, but be competitive without being comparative.. "Comparison is a total waste of energy," Seal says. "There will always be someone smarter, faster, more efficient, more skilled. What's important is knowing that you're doing the best that you can do."

 Avoid a case of the "shoulds." I should be earning more money; I should be at the top of my profession; I should always make the right decisions. You probably have your own list of "shoulds." Having excessively high standards though is a no-win situation and the person who comes out the loser in that game is you.

 Know yourself. Know what your values are. If you act in alignment with those values, you will continue to strengthen your self-esteem, no matter what challenges you face. Know what's best for you and follow that path, even if it means staring down the naysayers in your life.

 Motivation: Keep Yourself Going

 Constantly striving to "be all you can be" can eventually wear you down. When you feel that you just can't go through another day in the trenches, there are ways to keep your motivation going.

 Make a plan. Having goals is the key, says Cathy Rusinko, Ph.D., assistant professor of management at Philadelphia University. That means long-range goals, to be sure (to be promoted to vice president; to run your own company; to be elected to office), but it also means short-range goals as well (to finish the project you're working on; to make 10 new sales calls; to plan a company-wide meeting). Each Monday, list everything you want to accomplish that week. Each time you complete an item on your list, check it off and move on to the next one. At the end of the week, you’ll have a clear record of your accomplishments.

 Reward yourself. A simple check mark, though, is not enough of a reward. Sharon Seal views actions as benchmarks, and milestones as the results of those actions. So if you've accomplished your weekly benchmark of, say, writing 10 letters, why not stop at the art museum on the way home. When those sales letter result in your landing a client—a milestone—treat yourself to a bigger reward, such as a piece of jewelry that will remind you of the occasion.

Go out to lunch. Don't skip your lunch break. That hour adds up to an additional five hours of work a week. That translates into an additional month and a half of work each year, and over 10 years, the equivalent of working an extra year. That's enough extra work to dampen anyone's motivation.

Take your R&R. Don't rollover your vacation days until next year, or, worse yet, forfeit them altogether. . We all need time away from work, indeed from our daily activities in general, to rejuvenate ourselves. And when you do get away, that means no cell phones, no laptops, no calls into (or from) the office, no piles of professional reading. Not even a week of family chores. Decide what kind of vacation you need—relaxing or invigorating—and then take it. You're guaranteed to return to work with a newfound sense of enthusiasm, or a clearer plan of what you need to do to find that enthusiasm.

 Cut and paste. Some of us need a concrete reminder of just what we're working towards. If just having an image in your mind's eye is not enough, cut out a picture from a magazine and keep it where you can see it. What is it you really want? A piano? A new car? A trip to Paris? When you can actually see what you want, you'll feel more motivated to keep working towards it.

 Follow your bliss. Working toward a material goal shouldn't be your only motivation, though. Pure motivation needs to come from within. When you're doing what you love to do, motivation comes naturally. "When you work from passion and an internal drive," says Dowse, "great things happen."

If you're not sure what your passion is, keep a "dream journal" as television journalist and best-selling author Joan Lunden does. Write down your dreams and desires, no matter how far-fetched they may seem. "Even if you can't realize some of your goals, identifying them helps us understand what we hope to achieve, what we have to offer, and ultimately, what our dreams are," Lunden writes in Wake-Up Calls: Making the Most Out of Every Day.

 Step outside yourself. If your motivation and spark seem to have deserted you, do something different. Dr. Hughes volunteers at a women's shelter. "When you go outside yourself and see what other people are facing, you gain a real sense of perspective," she says. "That in itself goes a long way toward re-motivating you."

 Give yourself an energy boost. Structure your activities and relationships so you not only give of yourself, but get something back in return. Do things that recharge you. Take a walk, visit a friend, enroll in a cooking class. When you have activities and people in your life that buoy you up, it's much easier to keep your motivation going in the workplace.

 Know your de-motivators. Business coach Sharon Seal, for example, knows that she doesn't work well on a team. "I like to run the show," she says. For Seal, then, working within a group setting would lead to frustration, dissatisfaction, and eventually, de-motivation.

 Envision the perfect work life. "Create a place in your mind where you see all of your ideal work vividly," says Seal. "Then fill in the details that will anchor your vision to reality."Put your vision down on paper and include as many details as you can, from your environment, to the type of work you perform, from your professional relationships, to your attitude about work. When you design a vision statement, you become more focused and intentional in your vision and are motivated to turn that vision into reality.

 Knowledge:It's Not Just Who You Know

 No matter how much you know, there's always something more you can learn. Always be on the lookout to increase your skills, both formally and informally. Take a class, subscribe to professional journals, find a mentor.

 Find your support system. Networking is one of the best ways to increase your knowledge and skills. Who are your allies, your challengers, your buddies? Be open to listening to these people, says Dowse.

 Let new things into your life. Listen to different music, read different books, talk to people from other countries, other religions, other walks of life. Understand different perspectives. Don't get locked in to one set of skills, or one set of beliefs. "The world is changing," says Dowse. "Change with it!" And don't limit your skill-sharpening activities solely to your job. Learn Italian. Take up flower arranging. Study auto repair. Learn something new, not for your boss, or your husband, or your mother. Just for yourself. The confidence that comes from stretching yourself and adding to your skills will carry over into the workplace.

 Keep up with “soft” skills. We’re talking about moving beyond the latest computer technology and honing such talents as getting along with your co-workers, being able to work on a team, leading a team. "You can have all the confidence in the world in your hard skills," says Seal, "but if you don't have the soft skills as well, you won't get ahead."

 Find the resources. You can develop these skills by attending leadership training or motivational workshops (check out the Center for Creative Leadership, www.ccl.org, or Made for Success, www.madeforsuccess.com) or hiring a business coach who can help you focus on what you need to succeed in your particular field or even within your individual organization.

 Volunteer and say “yes.” Never turn down an opportunity to learn something new. You don't want to spend two weeks in the field office? Don’t think of it as an exile, but as a way to learn more about your company and its overall operations. Look at every possibility as an opportunity. Let go of your ego and focus on improving your skills and developing your knowledge. "Create a mentality of abundance," says Seal.

 Timing: It Is Everything

 The best comedians are said to have a great sense of timing. That should be no less true of the rest of us. Whether you're looking at your career in a big-picture sense, or just on a day-to-day basis, timing can indeed be everything.

 Understand your stage of life. If you have young children at home, for example, and want to spend more time with them, this probably isn't the best time to give your all towards becoming a partner in your law firm. "Be prudent about what you can do at different stages in your life," says Dr. Rusinko.

 Open your eyes. Timing also has a lot to do with luck, and the ability to discern opportunities. Many of us see a challenge as a signal to stop and not as an opportunity. "Be more pro-active," counsels Seal. "Don't wait for things to come to you." If you hear of an opening on a committee, for example, don't wait to be asked to serve. Volunteer. In addition to showing your initiative, you'll gain more visibility, have more of a voice within your organization, and make a greater impact.

 Know when to let go. This is something many of us have a hard time with. We stay in relationships longer than we should; we stay in jobs longer than we should. "Women are incredibly loyal," says Dr. Hughes. "We don't always push ourselves forward." Know when it's time to move on.

 Listen to interpersonal cues. If your boss is under pressure to meet a deadline, it's probably not the best time to ask for a raise. Schedule important meetings first thing in the morning when energy levels are higher.

 Play the game. Research finds that 75 percent of those who don’t succeed in their jobs do so not because they lack the required skills, but because of political problems. Understand that a lot of work may be done away from the office. "Men play golf or get together for drinks," says Dr. Hughes. "Women just stay and work hard." Part of good timing is knowing when to put your energy into work, when to put it into gaining knowledge or additional skills, and when to put it into just plain schmoozing.

 The Elements of Success

 "Each of us has the ability to bring forth great strengths," says Eileen Dowse. To become what Dowse calls a "wise woman," you must first recognize your capacity for:

  1. Self-awareness. Observing yourself and knowing your feelings so that you can make life decisions you can live with.
  2. Self-honesty. Accepting your qualities, faults, experiences, emotions, and recognition of your power.
  3. Prioritization. Being clear about what is most important to you in order to make decisions that are right for you.
  4. Management of feelings. Being able to handle fears, anxieties, anger, and sadness, and keep them all within the context of the situation.
  5. Optimism. Recognizing that you have choices and that you can make a difference, persist in the face of setbacks and channel your impulses in order to pursue your goals.
  6. Accountability. Holding yourself to high standards and doing what is right even when it seems much too difficult.

To achieve the success you are striving for, says Dowse, you must be willing to let go of the behaviors and thoughts that don't work well for you. You must be willing to take risks and explore limits and avail yourself of your uniqueness and strengths.  In short, you must "believe that you have the ability to shape your future."